i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
