Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
