i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
