I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize