Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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