You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
