And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize