I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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