I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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