Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
