I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
