Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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