yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
