MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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