"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
