so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
