Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
