I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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