I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't deserve a penis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
