You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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