He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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