i think my mom watched the whole time
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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