I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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