before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
