didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
