dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
