Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
smell my finger.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
