I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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