What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He shit in the fireplace
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
