Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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