i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
