In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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