I think I just saw someone hide a body.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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