end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
