She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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