I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
