sorry about calling you the devil all night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
