I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
