There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its not stalking. its research.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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