I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
