census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
