i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
