Your tits are I can't wait for
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
