i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
