I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
