A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
