I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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