it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
