I just made out with a guy for $7.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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