well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
