It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
