there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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