i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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