I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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