But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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