Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
