Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
