I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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