im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
