i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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