so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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