Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
