Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
