I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
