Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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