i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
