Ambien. No doubt about it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
