you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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