If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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