It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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