That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
