i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
